for suicide and unexpected deaths
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You are not alone.
While you can never feel completely prepared for a death, a sudden death leaves a person feeling particularly vulnerable. It is not possible to address all of the many emotions exclusive to the different types of sudden death, such as murder, suicide, or traumatic accident. However, there are some similar issues and specific feelings that people grieving a sudden death most commonly confront.
Common Physical Symptoms of Grief:
Rest assured, these symptoms go away over time. You might continue to experience intense reactions during the weeks and months after your loved one’s death. Speaking with a professional can be helpful. Remember, everyone grieves differently and on a different timeline. As you work through your grief, be careful to protect your well-being and take things one moment or day at a time. You are not alone.
Coping Tips
Allow yourself to feel emotions.
If it helps to cry, let yourself cry. Accept your emotions as genuine reactions to your loss. There are no "good" or "bad" emotions and no "right" or "wrong" ways to grieve.
Pay attention to the emotions and needs of your children, too, if they have been affected by the loss.
If, in your grief, you are unable to console them and attend to their needs, arrange for someone to be with them who can, such as a friend or family member.
Accept help and support.
Friends, family members, and neighbors are usually glad to help. Keep a list of tasks that need to be done. When someone asks how they can help you, refer to the list. If it helps just to have someone with you, let people know that, too.
Share your thoughts and feelings with someone who will listen and be helpful.
That might be a close friend or family member, a spiritual advisor, a professional counselor, or someone who has experienced a similar loss through a support group.
Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.
Keep a regular routine of healthy eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising and doing things that you enjoy.
Find a way to say goodbye that has meaning for you.
In addition to attending a memorial service, you might write a letter to the person, light a candle, or talk to a photo.
Take care when you are in shock after learning of the loss.
It is easy to make mistakes when in shock. Surround yourself with people who will keep you safe. Avoid driving and other activities that require concentration. Put off decisions that might have long-term consequences until you are able to think more clearly.
Seek professional help from a psychologist or counselor.
If you find yourself relying on alcohol or drugs to feel better; if you are concerned about or frightened by your thoughts and emotions; or if you feel that you are at risk of harming yourself.
Use your Employee Assistant Program (EAP).
Many employers offer mental health assistance through an EAP which is confidential and low cost.
Adapted from John Hopkins University & Medicine
Practicing self-care promotes better mental health by providing an opportunity to relax, recharge, and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Learn how to identify suicide risk in yourself and others.
Providing support to someone who lost a loved one can be overwhelming. Here are some tips to help:
Providing support to someone who lost a loved one
Be available
Be a good listener
Respect what they choose to share with you and focus on their experience. Allow them to talk freely - they may need to share their story over and over again. Yet, don't press if they don't feel like talking, and be sensitive if they would rather not continue the conversation. Don’t try to provide answers to their unanswerable questions. “I don’t know” is preferable than trying to guess. Avoid clichés (“they are in a better place,” “time heals all wounds”) or compare their grief to yours.
Offer practical help
You can help with tasks like housework, errands, or grocery shopping. You can also bring over pre-cooked meals or answer the phone for them. Even offer to help with thank you notes, funeral or estate planning, phone calls, etc. When they are ready, reach out to help them return to regular activities.
Accept their feelings
Loss survivors grapple with complex feelings after the death of a loved one, such as fear, grief, shame, and anger. Acknowledge and accept all of their feelings, including mood swings. Be compassionate and patient, and provide support with empathy without judgement. Avoid giving advice or trying to explain the loss.
Be empathetic
Events like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries may bring forth emotions and memories of the lost loved one, and emphasize this loved one’s absence. Check in on and use empathy with loss survivors during these times.
Don’t avoid talking about the person who died
Use the name of the person who has died when talking to loss survivors. This shows that you have not forgotten this important person, and can make it easier to talk about what happened. Share memories of the deceased or listen to their favorite music.
Contact a trusted friend or family member to help with items on your task list.
Arrange for childcare and petcare for the next several days.
In a notebook, write down dates and names of officials, creditors, and service providers whom you have conversations with. Keep notes of the conversations as well as contact information for each person.
Make a list of family members to be notified.
Choose a funeral home. They will be able to walk you through much of the processes in the coming days.
Ask a trusted person to help with funeral arrangements including reception and food, beverages, etc. if desired.
Write the obituary. The funeral home can help with this detail.
Ask a trusted person to help field and respond to comments on social media and local media, if needed.
Identify potential needs or tasks that can be done when other family and friends offer help (grocery shopping, yard maintenance, repairs, cleaning, childcare, petcare...).
Order at least 10 extra copies of the death certificate for banks and insurance companies.
Gather official documents such as: social security card, will or estate plan, birth certificate, marriage license, military discharge documents, insurance policies, bank statements, etc.
Agencies to Notify:
Social Security Administration
Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) - They can help prevent identity theft
All 3 credit reporting agencies (Equifax, Experion, and TransUnion)
Any creditors, banks, and open accounts
Insurance companies
Employer - make sure to inquire about pensions, 401(k) plans, insurance policies, benefits, and final paycheck.
School of each child in the family
Organizations (e.g. Dr., Dentist, etc.) with scheduled appointments
Post Office
Trust/estate attorney to begin probate process
To print this checklist, click on the flier below.
Learn how grief after a suicide is different than grief after other kinds of death. It is important to note that whatever you are feeling during this time is a human reaction to an extremely stressful loss. You may have feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, and fear, among others.
After losing a loved one, you may find yourself needing assistance with some basic needs such as finding fresh food and childcare. You may also be interested in local mental health resources or support groups. Find a variety of resources here.
Receive the support you need. We have resources for Local Support Groups as well as Online Grief Support.
A tragic event can deeply impact a community and cause emotional distress. People may experience a range of reactions after trauma, including feeling anxious/sad, having trouble concentrating and sleeping, and continually thinking about what happened. Here are a few things that you can do to help you, your neighbor, and your community heal.
Print the flier below to share with your community.
Grief literacy is being able to respond to those experiencing grief and loss in ways that bring comfort, and do not bring harm. Improve your grief literacy by watching these short videos from Caring Connections.
The Davis County Loss Survivor Support Team are human service workers and loss survivors from Davis Behavioral Health, the Davis County Health Department, Davis School District, local faith groups, local hospitals, local law enforcement/EMS, Veteran’s Affairs, and more. Our goal is to support loss survivors in the county and to help connect them to resources for help and healing.
Learn more about our workgroup resources