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Caring for yourself


Practicing self-care promotes better mental health by providing an opportunity to relax, recharge, and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.


Take a selfie - SLEEP - EXERCISE - LIGHT - FUN - INTERACTION - EAT RIGHT
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You have probably heard the expression “Some days are diamonds, some days are stones”. When you are grieving, there is no question that some days are more difficult than others. Many people don’t realize that grief comes and goes, and certain days are more significant than others as they remind us more specifically of the person who died. You will be able to identify many occasions on which you miss your loved one, for the list is long: Valentine’s Day, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, the first day of spring, or the opening of the football season; the first weekend at the cabin; the summer holidays; Christmas. Then add all the special occasions like weddings, family get-togethers, and weekends.

What can we do about such difficult days? It is important not to regard them as setbacks for as tough as they may be, they are actually an invitation to come to terms with our loss a little more. But when we ask ourselves, “As much as I will miss the person, what can I do on that noteworthy day to commemorate their death and celebrate their life? How can I make that day meaningful though difficult?” This gives us some measure of control.


What can we do?


  • Remember them. Grief invites us to remember, not to forget. Trying to ignore the occasion or pretend that it is just like any other day is unnatural, and actually increases the tension. It takes more energy to avoid the situation than it does to confront it.
  • Observe holidays and special occasions in ways that are comfortable for you. Feel free to make changes from how you would normally celebrate. Remember, there is no right or wrong way of handling these times.
  • Allow yourself to feel and to express your feelings. Those special days often magnify feelings of loss. Share your concerns, apprehensions, and feelings with a friend or in a support group. Recognize that the need for support is often greater during holidays. Try to get enough rest, because those occasions can be emotionally and physically draining.
  • Acknowledge your loved one's presence in the family. Consider lighting a memorial candle at the dinner table or in the house to quietly include your loved one. Listen to music especially liked by the deceased or look at photographs or videos if it is not too difficult to do so.
  • Don’t be afraid to have fun. It is natural to feel sadness, of course, but it doesn’t have to be all sorrowful. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful. Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate. Can you get together with family and friends and take some time to share special memories or tell stories about the person? What made them special and what do you miss about them? Humorous incidents recalled can have a special healing quality to them.
  • Honor and reflect on the achievements and qualities of the one being remembered as well as the struggles that they faced in their life. Focus on how they lived rather than how they died.
  • Make their birthday a celebration of their life. What could you do to honor their life on that day? Make that wedding or other anniversary a time to be thankful for what you had, as well as an opportunity to grieve what you have lost. Take time on that day to remember and be thankful for the person, even though their absence will be keenly felt. Try to balance sorrow for their death with celebration for their life, and it will make those difficult days more meaningful.
  • Be prepared for difficult days, anticipate them and prepare for them, and then do what you can to make it a fitting day to remember.


Identifying suicide risk in yourself and others


It’s important to be able to identify your own risk or the risk of others for suicide and get help. Warning signs for suicide can be organized with the acronym: FACTS

FEELINGS- such as hopelessness, worthlessness, despair, emptiness, and feeling anxious or trapped.

ACTIONS- such as seeking access to a gun or pills, reckless behaviors, increasing drug or alcohol use, fighting or getting in trouble, arranging one’s funeral or getting their affairs in order, etc.

CHANGES- in attitude, moods or behaviors. People may become withdrawn, quit teams or withdraw from groups, stop paying attention to personal appearance, sleep all the time or not at all, or show other changes.

THREATS- written or spoken statements suggesting death or suicide like “I‘m tired of living” or “I’m thinking of killing myself.”

SITUATIONS- events that could trigger suicidal thoughts. This can include having trouble at home, school or work; personal loss of relationships, opportunities, or self-esteem; or any other overwhelming change like moving, a death, and layoff or termination.

If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide, you can go to the Receiving Center, which is a Mental Health and Substance Use Crisis Center in Davis County. You can also go to an emergency room of a hospital, call a crisis team to come to your location, or call/text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 If you see warning signs in someone else, have a conversation with that person and ask directly about suicide. If they are thinking of suicide, make a plan to keep them safe until you can get them professional help. If you can’t work out a plan to help them stay safe, take them to the nearest emergency room, receiving center, or call 911. See local support section for more information.

From: SPRC Help and Hope booklet - STOP suicide Northeast Indiana