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Suicide Loss

How is grief after a suicide different than grief after other kinds of death?

Survivors often wonder how bereavement after suicide compares to bereavement after other kinds of death. Three aspects that research shows make suicide grief unique:

  1. Suicide loss survivors seem to struggle more with questions of meaning-making around the death (‘Why did they do it?’) and often show higher levels of feelings of guilt, blame, and responsibility for the death than other mourners (‘Why didn’t I prevent it?’). 
  2. Occasionally, survivors feel that they directly caused the death through mistreatment or abandonment of the deceased. More frequently, they blame themselves for not anticipating and preventing the actual act of suicide.
  3. Suicide loss survivors experience heightened feelings of rejection or abandonment by the loved one, along with anger toward the deceased (‘How could they do this to me?’).
Surviving a Suicide Loss: Resource and Healing Guide

 

 

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It is important to note that whatever you are feeling during this time is a human reaction to an extremely stressful loss. Your thoughts and feelings may be informed by what you know about suicide and what you’ve heard or learned about suicide over the course of your life, as well as your previous experiences with sudden loss. Cultural and religious beliefs may play a role in how you experience suicide grief, and it is important to note that different traditions may have different rituals that are part of your grief. 

There is no one way to grieve a suicide loss, and you may find that those around you are grieving in different ways. It is important to allow space for yourself and those around you to grieve in the way that they need to. Many suicide loss survivors find that talking to others who have experienced a suicide loss (such as in a support group) can be helpful as they process the many feelings associated with suicide loss.

Adapted from ASFP Surviving a Suicide Loss: Guide Resource and Healing

Resources for suicide loss survivors

Clean up assistance

If you do not have homeowner’s insurance, other insurance coverage, cannot afford to pay your deductible, or do not have insurance that will pay for professional clean up service, there may be financial assistance available to you. For more information and to apply for assistance, view the online application below.

Biohazard cleanup for suicides, homicides, or violent crimes

A sudden death can result in significant damage to property and should be cleaned by a specialized, professional cleaning service. Do not attempt to clean areas affected by the death on your own or allow volunteers or other unqualified individuals to attempt to clean the area where the death occurred. You should act quickly to employ clean up services as affected areas become more costly to clean as time passes.

Many homeowners insurance policies cover disaster clean up. Check with your insurance company right away to see if your policy allows for disaster clean up. If you are a renter, your landlord’s property insurance may cover the cost of disaster clean up. Additionally, your renter’s insurance may cover the cost of damaged personal items or damage to the property.


Online Application

Sharing your story

Telling your story can save lives and be a part of a healthy healing process, but only if you share it safely. Sharing your experience lets people know they are not alone and lets them know recovery is possible. If done safely, your story will encourage people at risk to seek help.

Tips for sharing your story safely can be found at AFSP blog.

How to manage a loved one’s social media

For many people, social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) plays a big role in their lives. For youth, it may be the main way they express thoughts and feelings. If the person you lost to suicide had social media accounts, you may want to change their page to a “memorial page” to remember and honor the person who died. Some guidelines about the memorial page include:

  • A memorial page should be short-lived, 30-60 days after the death, then you should remove and replace it with a message thanking those who responded for their support and care and any other suggestions to honor your loved one.
  • If you see any messages or pictures that suggest someone is struggling or might be thinking of suicide, be sure to either reach out to that person, tell that person’s family, or contact the social media company (e.g., Facebook) to let them know what you saw and why you are concerned, see “Identifying Suicide Risk in Yourself & Others."
  • Share the free, confidential National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline on their memorial page with a statement such as “If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988”.
  • Report people on social media who make mean statements or bully people. You can ask the social media site to remove these statements.

More information can be found at in the SPRC Help and Hope booklet

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